Rivetpets

[Rivetpets]

1. The most industrial of all pets has got to be the robotic pet or cyberpet - if its technological, its futuristic. This makes it industrial.

However if you prefer your pets to be real animals, try some of the following:

2. Dogs. An old favourite. Only certain types of dog though are industrial. Basically, anything big and scary is in. Anything small, fluffy or yappy is out. More specifically, there are various breeds of dog to choose from. These include:

* German Shepherds. Germany is associated with all things industrial. Therefore German Shepherds are industrial.

* Greyhounds (because they're skinny - skinny puppy, geddit?). Plus they run fast so you can probably teach them to run down ravers.

* Rottweilers, Dobermans, etc - anything you can train to kill ravers and hippies with.

3. Rats. Rats live in sewers, dark corners, urban shitholes, etc therefore are a prominent part of the dark, dystopian hell. Dystopian = industrial.

4. Cockroaches. A more 'exotic' choice of pet (but I'm sure plenty of homes still have them). Apparently cockroaches will be one of the few survivors of nuclear war. So cockroaches will still be around in the dystopian hell of the aftermath of the war of technology which ultimately destroys most of the planet Earth (if you believe that's gonna happen). Like rats, this makes them industrial. However they also know that they are better than every other species (just like rivetheads) because they survive where other species just crinkle up and die.

5. Horses. OK so horses don't appear to be very industrial (unless they happen to be Kevin the Rivethead pony - hehe; see the alternative ponies page, now moved to my other site). However, when you ride horses you can be totally industrial. This is because:

a/ most horses are tall (unless they're Shetland ponies or the freaky mini ponies). Therefore, if you ride a horse you can be higher up than everyone else, which obviously signifies that you are better than them.

b/ you can wear boots with your trousers tucked into them.

c/ you can wear a hat - either a hard hat (OK, so you look like a dork in it, but they wear hard hats in the army right? And army clothes are so industrial) or a cowboy hat (for that Al Jourgenson look).

Another plus point for horses is that they kick and stomp, just like angry rivetheads. They can also wear boots, leather (tack) and metal accessories (i.e. bits, curb chains, shoes). You can also train them to perform intricate riding displays to music and pick your favourite industrial or noise band for the music (dressage to Merzbow, anyone?). However, on the down side, horses are bloody expensive (again, though, this element adds to their elitist connotations, so perhaps this is a plus point).

6. Guinea Pigs. 'Kay don't laugh. The guinea pig should not be overlooked as potential rivethead material. This is because most of my own guinea pigs like a variety of electronic and industrial music (or else they think the electronic bleeps and sounds are other guinea pigs, whatever) and squeak along to the music. A sight to behold: a guinea pig bobbing its head in time to Skinny Puppy (I swear that actually happened; Poe is a hardcore rivetpig).

Click here to see Poe. See that expression of contempt? Hardcore industrial. She is also a crested guinea pig, which makes her look like someone shaved the middle of her head. Obviously shaved heads are also a sign of the true rivethead. Just so she doesn't feel left out, this is my other piggy, Poppy. Poppy has been known to squeak along to Signal Aout 42. In conclusion: Guinea Pigs are industrial.

Definitely non-industrial pets:

* Cats - too goth. Cats are only rivetpets if they a/ are wearing a spiky collar; b/ are evil and c/ will kill on command.

* Bunnies. Too cutesy.

* Yorkshire terriers and other yappy fluffy dogs. You can put as many spiked collars and chains on them as you like, but Yorkies just ain't rivetpet material.

A few final words on pet choice:

There has been much debate about the rivetheadness of the humble goldfish, a popular choice of pet, but is it industrial? After much heated discussion, the general consensus seems to be:

- if your fish is black or silver, it's industrial.

- if it's gold, it's not industrial.

Accessories for pets:

Going for that rivethead look? Don't leave your pet out. For dogs, spiky collars are a must. Also chains. For smaller pets, construct a large cage of the type present in some fetishy club and let them run riot within. Or else get a bunch of scrapyard salvage to construct your cage with. As long as there are no sharp or chewable parts and you make it escape proof (and leak proof - you know what I'm referring to) then you can make it as industrial looking as you want.

Pet names:

All rivetpets must be given appropriate names.

A good pointer for choosing names is to avoid anything with lots of F sounds in the name (Fifi, Frou-frou, Fluffy, etc). F is a soft sound. You want hard sounds. Ks are good. Words like 'psycho' are always acceptable too, just change the spelling. For example, a good name for a female German Shepherd dog would be Psyko-bitch (descriptive, *and* industrial, because we used a K. Another accepted spelling would also be P5yk0-b1tch but that starts to look a little too much like a car registration).

German words are also good. Who cares if it actually means something totally stupid like chair or budgie or spoon? It's German therefore it's industrial. And unless you live in Germany or know German speaking people, no-one will actually know what it means anyway.

There are 3 main sources you can pick names from to ensure that your pet won't be the laughing stock of the rivetpet community. These are:

1/ Names of industrial bands or band members or alternatively, names of characters from industrial-type films.

2/ Industrial album or song titles or lines from song lyrics.

3/ Names of industrial or technological items or concepts (e.g. things to do with computers, science, etc)

[Back]