Electric Metal: Industrial Religion

[Industrial Religion - Welcome to the 'Ministry' of the rivethead]

Think about it: the industrial subculture is like any good religion anyway - elitist, intolerant and its die-hard members hate Marilyn Manson *grins*.

Basic Beliefs:

1. Despite what anyone else tells you, Genesis P. Orridge is your only true god. He's not omnipresent (as far as I know, though he does do vocals on the Download track Omniman so... *ponders this matter for a while*) but he has a vaguely religious name anyway.

2. The members of Skinny Puppy are his disciples.

3. Other bands that may be worshipped in the industrial religion include: Einsturzende Neubauten, SPK, Front Line Assembly, any band that uses scrap metal or power tools as instruments

4. You are better than everyone else. Thinking you are better than god in the industrial religion is not a sin.

5. You would believe that Marilyn Manson is the devil, but you know that's just his marketing ploy and that really he is an unscary guy named Brian in bad make-up. He is however a false idol.

6. A break-off group of the main industrial religion also worships Trent Reznor, believing him to be a Christ-like figure. This belief may not be shared by some traditionalists though.

7. Jesus built your hotrod.

The Seven Deadly Sins:

1. Openly liking Marilyn Manson

2. Actually owning a Marilyn Manson CD

3. Thinking Gravity Kills are better than Skinny Puppy

4. Wearing pastels or neon

5. Thinking The Matrix is rubbish

6. Thinking industrial was invented by Wumpscut (you are permitted to like Wumpscut however)

7. Thinking the best German industrial band is Rammstein

Religious Symbols:

The letter 'I'. This is 'I' as in "I am better than you" and 'I' for industrial, obviously. Also, various band logos also have great significance in the industrial religion, the NIN logo being especially popular.

Dealing with heretics:

Anyone who tries to persuade you of anything other than your core beliefs - whether they be pamplet-bearing Christians or Nirvana fans - must be denounced as a heretic and banished from your presence. Make the holy sign with your fingers (the letter "I" - do this by raising your middle finger. So this might be misinterpreted... *shrugs*) and attempt to ward them off with this, at the same time threatening to purge their soul in a ritual playing of Throbbing Gristle's 24 hour long box-set. Alternatively, try to brainwash them as good cults are supposed to do. Try some kind of Clockwork Orange-esque experiment forcing them to watch The Matrix and Blade Runner for hours with industrial noise playing in a permanant loop until they submit to you or go insane.

Dress and appearance:

Wear big boots and black or army clothes and definitely don't wear anything brightly coloured. And don't wear crucifixes - people will think you're goth or Christian. Hair should be basic - nothing too bright, preferably at least partly shaved. Other than that, there's no real rules. ;-)

Other religions in relation to the Industrial Religion:

If someone has picked some really *really* obscure industrial artist as their god instead you may accept their viewpoint and appreciate their elitism and allow their religion to coexist with yours without a holy war resulting. Anyone worshipping false idols (for example, Maynard James Keenan, Kurt Cobain), however, can expect a holy war to start immediately.

Persecution for your beliefs:

From time to time you may find yourself as a victim of persecution for your beliefs. Comments made might be something along the lines of "synths are not real instruments" or "Throbbing Gristle - hah, just a bunch of talentless nihilist perverts" or "hey freak, get lost on your way to roleplaying the Matrix, did you?"

Don't worry. All religions get persecuted from time to time. Rise above the taunts, smile creepily to yourself as if you know something the persecutors don't (like you're better than them) and reassure yourself with the knowledge that you're not a member of the cult of Britney or the church of Blink 182 or one of those other pesky religious fads.

Some industrial religious anthems:

* Ministry - "Jesus Built My Hotrod"

* Front 242 - "Religion"

* NIN - "Heresy"

* Skinny Puppy - "God's Gift (maggot)"

* Wumpscut - "Christf***"

* Kevorkian Death Cycle - "Kill For Christ"

* Katscan - "Kentucky Fried Jesus"

* ohGr - Devil

you get the idea...

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